Thursday, March 6, 2008
An "Ah Ha" Moment
The "chemo cloud" started to part today. It's a wonderful thing I start looking forward to since I feel like I'm under the influence of drugs (which I am) most of the time. I sure look forward to someday not feeling this way. I had to go in again for fluids and potassium. This last treatment really wiped my potassium which caused a lot of pain and discomfort in my legs. Today....I'm pain free! Something to rejoice about! Before I forget (which doesn't take much for me to do these days) I recommend Acidopholus for anyone having intestinal problems because of chemo. It's been wonderful. No more diarrhea, constipation or impacted stools. I couldn't go a day without it! As I was getting an IV today, one of our infusion nurses gave me a pamplet on Eloxatin one of my chemotherapy drugs. I've read literature on it before but since I had nothing else to read I thought I would read it again. As I read I thought "why am I on this?" This is not for Stage 1 cancer patients but for Stage III (advanced cancer) patients whose cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. Somehow in the meetings I missed this Stage notice. I asked the nurse to look up my records and verify again what Stage I was at. I'm Stage 3 with is considered an advanced stage. Talk about trying to "wrap my brain" around this new information. But it's had a positive affect and determination for me. The last couple of weeks I've been plotting how I could talk my oncologist into maybe just 8 treatments perhaps 10 at the most. The treatments are taking more and more out of me and I'm scared I won't be able to make it to the end. But today I sealed the determination in my mind to make it to the recommended 12 treatments. Because after Stage 3 is 4 and that's not a very promising one to be at. I considered this information a blessing in disguise today. Gotta gird up again to finish this fight. I have grandbabies I want to spoil and watch them grow up to be the wonderful adults I know they will be. I have our children I love so much and want so much to be a part of their lives on this side of the veil. So I'll press forward with renew determination to win this one. Thank you Kali for a message you left me on my phone. I listen to it every day. Your little voice just lifts me and makes me smile. Thanks again to my husband, family and friends for keeping me going each day. Thank you most of all to my Savior who has not forsaken me especially in my darkest moments and continues to lead me each day. I definitely need Him every hour.
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2 comments:
Wow, stage 3. You're going to make it Mom. You should see what's coming in the mail for you sometime next week. Kali sent you 4 envelopes just stuffed with drawing and stories. She even sent you a penny. Remember not to spend it all at one place. LOVE YOU!
Hello Sweetie,
In case you aren't hearing me when I tell you throughout the day I thought I'd post it publicly where you would read it...I Love You and will forever. God brought us together to share a love only His could exceed and you're stuck with me forever (if you'll have me for that long) because I'm eternally stuck on you. You're even more beautiful to me today then you were the moment I fell in love with you and you become more beautiful day by day as my love and respect for you continues, without measure, to grow. Don't ever worry about me getting
'tired' of you being ill. We're in this together and at no time should you ever feel alone i.e., without God's AND my support.
I love to love you Yolanda, you're the most wonderful woman I've ever known and I know it pleases God to see you loved the way you deserve to be loved, though I know I have much to improve upon. Nevertheless, I shall in time learn to love you as perfectly as God himself loves you, I solemnly promise.
Now, for those husbands (and wives) who might be 'listening in' on this Private :) conversation, a few words of advice. Give up any 'macho' bullshit you might be trying to protect and learn to make the first words that come out of your mouth in the morning, "I love you Honey. How are you feeling? What can I do for you?" and at night the LAST thing that comes out of your mouth, "I love you Honey. How are you feeling? What can I do for you?" Don't take this lightly...it's the habit you need to form in order to help you remember to repeat the phrase 20 or 30 times a day. But that's the easy part, DOING and Doing with a smile anything and everything she asks of you is the real test of manhood and, it becomes a pleasure. However, believe me when I say it also comes with incredible rewards. Christ said, "Cast your bread upon the water and it shall return to you SEVEN fold", and He means it. And, there IS no finer 'bread' to sow then the love God has intrusted you with. So I challenge you to DO IT! I promise you you'll be VERY glad you did. There's nothing that brings more joy into ANY life than knowing that you're loved and Very appreciated. Yo doesn't let me forget how she feels about me anymore than I would let her forget how I feel about her. And so, we discover we truly are responsible for making our heaven...on Earth; and Heaven, of course, begins within our own homes.
I Love You Yo. Have a Wonderful Day and DON't FORGET TO GET AN INFUSION in the afternoon. XOXOXO
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