In The Pits With Number 6

I finished my sixth treatment on Friday and by Sunday afternoon it hit me hard. I feel like all the energy has been drained out of my body. After getting fluids today I spent the day in bed too weak to do anything else. I put a call into my brother Sam when I got home from the clinic. I hit the wall mentally and needed a "pep" talk. Years ago he went through a sixth month regimen of chemo and knows exactly what I'm going through. It's days like this that I feel I just can't take another treatment. It's so mentally and physically draining when you don't have "good days" and are struggling each day on how you can relieve this symptom or other. My lastest challenge is the feeling I get after eating that my food is stuck in my throat. At times it creates a panicky feeling that I won't be able to breathe. You just have to wait it through. I'm sure it's the neuropathy from one of the chemo drugs. Sam has counseled me to keep my eyes on the finish line. I'm getting there. Right now I feel like I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Part of you feels like you're dying inside. This experience is really testing me to the max. I hope I won't forget it (which I'm sure I won't) so I can be compassionate and provide comfort to others going through this. I'm hanging on to everything that helps me get through it. Prayer, meditation, my good husband, hearing stories about my grandbabies, and friends. These are my lifesavers that keep me from going under. I just hope I can hold on long enough to make it to the finish line.