Fear Not I Am With Thee...........

I found a lot of comfort today in a song that we sang at church titled "How Firm A Foundation." when I sang the third verse I felt the Lord was speaking directly to me. I thought I will sing it every time I feel I can't do chemo anymore. It says "Fear not I am with thee, oh be not dismayed. For I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand. Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand. " What a comforting message I will cling to to get me through the next three treatments.
I've had mixed emotions this weekend. Next Wednesday I get my eighth chemo treatment. Part of me is so excited. That means that after Wednesday I have two chemo treatments left. The other part of me is dreading it. It seems to me that with each treatment my side effects are getting worst. But what I realized today is that they're not getting worst. I'm becoming mentally exhausted trying to get through each week. I've been told that people "hit the wall" at 8 and quit. I certainly can understand it. It's a challenge not to feel good day in and day out.
The degree varys each day. My daily struggle is extreme fatigue. On a "good" day it's running out of steam too quickly before finishing what I feel I need to accomplish. You're probably wondering why push myself to accomplish anything. Doing things makes me feel like a part of me is back. If it weren't for my family I would probably call it quits at eight. But I know I have to finish.
Tuesday, my husband I celebrate our third anniversary. How quickly three years has gone by!
I'm eternally grateful to God for bringing this kind, loving, compassionate man into my life. I never imagined that we would share this trial in our short married life. The experiences we have gone through and are going through have taught us so much about each other. I can't imagine going through this without Duane by my side. He's my daily "cheerleader" and keeps me from quitting. I'm sure people thought I was crazy when I married him because we discovered each other in January 2005 and were married by April 2005. We officially had been on two dates and the rest was alot of writing and talking on the phone. We knew we had found our best friend. It's like we had been separated for 52 years and had finally been reunited. The first year of marriage we couldn't stop talking just trying to catch up on our lives. I hope Duane never gets cancer!!! But if he ever faces this challenge, I'll know how to help him because of his example in helping me. Honey, I hope you always know how much I love and adore you!! Thanks again for all the times you've just let me cry and vent my frustrations. You are my peace of mind in this crazy world. I LOVE YOU!!