Round 4

I'm a third of the way through my chemo treatments! It's taken me this long to finally accept all the symptoms that come because of the chemo. The "haze" you feel like you're in mentally. Fatigue that becomes extreme at times. Nausea and dehydration. Intestinal problems, either diarrhea or constipation and bloating. Neuropathy in my hands, throat and lips. Not being able to taste much. Nothing really sounds good. You eat because you have too. Insomnia. Cramps in my legs. During the first three treatments I felt like I had lost control of my body. Now that I know what to expect I just go with flow. I know that little by little each day the symptoms will begin to subside and I'll start gaining my strength back until I have 2-3 days that I feel much better before my next treatment. I've come to accept that this is my life right now and this is what I have to do to be cancer free. I'm just so grateful that I don't have a year of treatments just six months. I wonder if someday in the future we'll look back at this time and think that these treatments were the "dark ages." The treatment for cancer in the future might not be so debiliating.
The most difficult thing I had to do this week is to turn in my resignation at work. After being off for three months it's required. My boss is wonderful to hold my position till I can return this summer. But it was hard to take this step turning in my badge and keys. And yet it was a relief that I can put that aside for right now and just concentrate on getting through this. I did used to worry alot about when I could go back to work. Now I feel a burden is lifted for now.
I continue to count my blessing every single day. My heart is filled with gratitude for my husband, family and friends. I'm in awe how every single day someone reaches out to me through emails, visits, phone calls, cards and helps buoy me up. I feel my Savior's love every day. I'm so grateful for the support and prayers. I'm grateful for such a kind, loving husband. This would be such a difficult journey without him by my side. Marrying him was one of the best decisions I ever made and keeping our eyes on the Lord will see us through our trials. I guarantee it!